I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
