Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
