The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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