What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
