how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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