i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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