I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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