In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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