yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
