I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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