dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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