Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
