bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
