it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
