i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
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