Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My liver just had a heart attack.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
