you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
