Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
