She said her name was "party"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
