u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
