can we get nightvision for the apartment?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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