What did we do last night that was yellow?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
