o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Still dying that you shit outside
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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