i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
