did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
