you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
