Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
