____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You left your phone here
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