her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
