do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
