i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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