It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
