so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
