Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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