my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
