By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
