That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
50% drunk capacity currently
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
