Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
