Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
