So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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