If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
