pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
