K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
