Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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