i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
