it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
