I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
