Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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