I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
