Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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