so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
