I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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