I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
