I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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