You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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